Do you want a better marriage? Try the skill of candor.
Every now and then, my wife will ask me a question. I want to answer her but I think about how I can say it in a way that won’t make her angry. How can I say it in a way that will be truthful but loving? I start trying to navigate an answer and it can become overwhelming. It’s just easier to say what is expected or nothing at all.
Learning how to be truthful but loving is great. It’s a skill that you should use in your marriage or relationship until… .
Until you get so far away from the true answer that you can’t be brutally honest.
Candor is the quality of being open and honest in your expression, it is just being frank. When I start deviating from the truth, the actual truth in the answer, or not giving a whole truth, I need to fall back on that scale with candor. How can I be open and honest about the answer?
I still don’t want to hurt her feelings. I still don’t want to make her angry, but I can’t let that modify my answer so much that it isn’t the truth anymore. That sometimes requires courage, courageous candor. Just being brutally honest, I have to lay it out and take the risk that for me to be honest, it might make her mad or might upset her in some way. I’m counting on our relationship being strong enough to survive it.
One thing you can do for a better marriage, try candor.