One Step to a Better Marriage – Keeping a Confidence

better marriage keep confidences

One thing you can do to have a better marriage is to make your marriage a safe place to share. Agree with one another that whatever you share with each other will be kept confidential unless your spouse gives you express permission to share it. Confidentiality in marriage builds confidence in your marriage relationship.1

DO THIS: Say to your spouse, “I will not repeat anything you tell me without your permission.”

One of the biggest threats to a marriage is the little tongue. Repeating what your spouse shared with you in confidence or in a moment of intimacy rips the fabric of the marriage relationship and that rip takes months of trust building to repair – if it can be repaired at all.

Easy to Rationalize

It is easy to rationalize talking to a trusted friend or family member about the details of your marriage for advice to “make it better.” The fact that your motive for sharing is well intentioned is not an excuse to share without your spouse’s permission.

When you Just Need to Tell Someone

Sometimes when you are arguing with your spouse, the need to talk with someone without your spouse’s permission is overwhelming. This feeling is magnified because you often feel alone and by talking with someone else at least remedies the feeling of abandonment. Sharing the details of a fight with others, however, comes with special hazards. Couples usually reconcile. The outsider who knows the details of the argument, who is not part of the reconciliation process, often harbors resentment to the spouse that “hurt their friend.” Over time, this may create an outside stressor on the marriage.

Building a Better Marriage

There are many reasons why keeping marital confidences build a great marriage. Certainly it builds trust – which is the foundation of any great relationship. A more subtle benefit is that couples share more truth about themselves where they feel safe. Great relationships are possible when couples don’t hide pieces of themselves from the other.

A Notable Exception

The notable exception to this rule is abuse. If you are the victim of abuse, get help. Otherwise, the best practice is to keep confident what is shared in confidence.

### Brandon Blankenship
Brandon-Blankenship Writing

 

Brandon L. Blankenship is a continuing legal education presenter and business educator. He is the author of Unmasking Hour. He writes weekly posts on the legal industry and is a contributor to the Nobility Academy. He and his wife Donnalee live on their hobby farm south of Birmingham, Alabama.

 

  1.  ©2016 Brandon Blankenship, Image Credit: tell me a secret by Senia L CC flickr 2AUG2008.

Who Are Better Investors: Men or Women?

Better Investor Wall Street Bull

The battle of the sexes has long been a familiar theme when it comes to who are the better investors. But current trends show that women and men’s investing habits are getting closer.1

Who are Better Investors, Men or Women?

Traditionally, women are more cautious investors while men tend to save more, but are bigger risk takers. One investment writer said that today “women are generally model investors,” while men still take unnecessary risks. While the data shows that women generally do better than men when it comes to standard investing practices, fewer differences persist.

Women Research

A recent national survey published by USA Today showed that women tend to make better investors because they research investments in depth before making portfolio decisions and they are more patient since men are more prone to market impulses.

Women Participate

When it comes to employee retirement plans, women are more likely to participate in their employer’s 401(k) retirement plan. They create ways to ensure that their contributions remain steady which is one of the keys to help grow the returns by the time they are ready to tap the funds.

According to one Vanguard study, 66 % of women participate in voluntary contributions to their 401(k) accounts compared to 58% of men. In a recent USA Today article, “Women are Mostly Better Investors than Men,” Nelli Oster, the author says that “women tend to focus on longer-term, non-monetary goals. Instead of merely viewing money as a means to purchase something, they consider money to represent independence and security.”

Women Seek Advice

The article also notes that women are more likely ask for direction on investments whereas men are more likely to make decisions on their own without seeking professional advice or guidance.

One problem for men, according to Chip Hymiller, a financial planner in North Carolina, men tend to be “more trigger-happy.” When a stock in their plan starts to go down in value, 11 percent of men will make a trade and dump the stock and try to buy a better-performing one.

And another investment advisor said that in general women have “a lack of confidence in their knowledge of financial planning and investing” that the advisor believes is really self-imposed.

The advisor went on to say that an analysis of more than 12 million investors shows that women actually demonstrated stronger saving rates than their male counterparts and enjoyed better long-term investment performance when they did engage. Unfortunately, too many women still hesitate to take control of their finances.

Future for Women

The reality is that 90% of women will have to manage their personal finances on their own at some point in their life. That is why it is imperative for women to develop a solid understanding of how to manage their money so that they can make good decisions about their investments.

In part two of our program, we will summarize the differences between men and women and their investment success and attempt then to answer the question, “Who are better investors; men or women?

### Larry Marvin
LifeCrafter – Money $ense

  1.  ©2016 Larry Marvin, Image Credit: Charging Bull by Sam Valadi CC flickr 22JUL2011